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The Grumpy Gardener’s Handbook

Ivor Grump

Portico

Format:

ISBN: 9781907554247

Price: £9.99

Publication date: 3 February 2011

Category: Humour

Following in the curmudgeonly footsteps of The Grumpy Driver’s and Golfer’s Handbooks, this is a compilation of all things frustrating about maintaining the average domestic garden. Grump’s attempts to improve his “extra room outdoors” are thwarted at every turn. His lawn develops alopecia, his fruit trees are shunned by all pollinating insects, his veg is a big hit with slugs and his Indian sandstone patio becomes an ingenious sunken garden.

Chapters include Pruning, Weeding, Compost (Ivor is convinced that cryogenics fan Walt Disney could be happily accommodated in his non-decomposing compost bins), Sheds, Pond Life, "Oh, I Simply Adore Lobelia"; (people who talk too loudly in show gardens), TV Gardening, Pests and Living With Leaf Lady, a woman hell-bent on identifying every foreign leaf that is swept into their garden – and returning it…

There is a Grumpy Calendar of seasonal jobs in the garden and how best to avoid them, plus advice on how to impress people with a Slacker’s Veg Patch (vegetables that look after themselves more or less).

ABOUT THE Author

Ivor Grump has been attempting golf since the tender
age of 14. He was the Worcestershire Golf Club’s junior champion in 1976 and it’s been downhill all the way ever since. His nadir was losing 13 golf balls at Royal Sandwich and failing to complete the course. Grump is one of the founding members of the PGA (Professional Grumps Association). 

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